“It breaks my heart when I hear your voice like that. I won't leave you for this reason. I love you enough to not to make this the reason of our breakup”
This was how my boyfriend's e-mail started. I received it the morning after another long night, us trying to have penetrating sex and my body doing everything in its power to not let him in. Him being this person I loved, trusted and felt loved by. So much love. Love that makes you write love letters, give each other silly nicknames, wear matching bracelets, integrate families and friends… He had written that it was time that I do something about “it”. He knew what “it” was, even though he did not address it explicitly. I didn’t. I hadn’t even heard of vaginismus.
This e-mail was the start of everything. It let me start talking about “it” with my girlfriends and then to visits to different gynaecologists and finally to a sex therapist. It took me, it took us, about 4 months to unbuild my walls physically. Painful at times, always emotional. I am still looking for the psychological reasons behind my vaginismus experience but I am forever grateful for this e-mail, the people who supported me and also for my own self, for the effort I’ve put in. Since then, I have exchanged bracelets with other men and I so much appreciate that fact that I can.
Having good support is so important. We recommend checking out The Vaginismus Network. The community is great and meet-ups & events are occasionally organised. They also have a fantastic insta page xx
