I was 13 when I tried a tampon for the first time. I knew it could take a few goes but at 19 after many tears and boxes and boxes of tampons and still couldn't get one in I knew something wasn't right. Lily's vaginismus story from Sex Education (tv show) struck such a chord with me and I realised that must be what I had. I poured myself into researching vaginismus and started psychosexual therapy. All of the obvious reasons people develop vaginismus didn't make sense to me and I never really worked out why I had it.
I remember going for a check at the drs and her sticking a cotton swab in felt like knives. I told her that I thought I had vaginismus and she said I'd get over it when I found the right person which really frustrated me.
I made progress with dilators but still couldn't get past the stabbing pain and so I decided to have physical therapy just to check there wasn't anything physically wrong with me with a professional who knew about the condition. It was painful and invasive but I really made progress in only three
sessions.
At 21 I felt ready to date people which I'd never experienced before as I didn't want to land that on them for fear of them running away. I managed to have sex, if somewhat painfully with a few people I dated over the next few years and now have an amazing boyfriend who is patient
and understanding when I'm finding it too painful.
I still struggle with inserting tampons sometimes and sex is, more often than not, a bit uncomfortable but I have come leaps and bounds with the help of the vaginismus community.
